If only
by Tears Falling Freely
Summary: He should have known it wouldn't be that easy.


**Notes:** At the time I wrote this, I hadn't read the whole entire Manga. So any characterization mistakes are due to that, though that's no excuse. I hope I still did a good job.

Looking back, I really hate how the confessions came out but in my head, it sounded a lot better. It was actually written differently too but I didn't write it down when I should have.

**Rating: **T.

**Warnings: **SPOILERS TYL, Chapter, not sure, so pretty much the entire Manga. Character death, angst, blood. Considering the above note, probably some OOCness, though I'm not sure, I did my best to stay in character with what I know from what I've read so far and what I've 'researched'. Possible, probably, stinky grammar as it's one of my weakest writing points. Sorry for any misuse of Japanese words/suffixes I only used one of each.

**Pairing: **Tsuna/Gokudera, Gokudera/Tsuna. However you want to see it.

**Disclaimer:** I do NOT own Katekyo Hitman Reborn! or the anime's/manga's characters.

* * *

Almost tens years later and it had happened. He had thought with the older Gokudera-kun's warning he could prevent this, stop it from ever happening.

Instead, Tsuna finds himself kneeling on the ground, Gokudera's head resting on his lap, blood seeping from wounds that poured more blood than Tsuna had thought was in the human body. He's trembling, fine tremors running along his skin that raised goosebumps.

"Hey, Juudaime," Gokudera wheezes, staring up at Tsuna's face through squinted eyes.

Tsuna shook his head, a pained gasp leaving him, "D-don't talk, G-gokudera-kun. I'm gonna get you help. You'll be fine."

Gokudera shook his head, even as the motion caused a wracking shudder to grip his body, "A-at least i-it wasn't y-you."

"But, it was supposed t-to be m-me."

Gokudera just grinned, looking as if he was about to speak but instead, he jerked, body tensing as he coughed up a spray of fresh blood. It covered his chest and arms, and some of it, the older coating, was already congealing.

"You weren't s-supposed to s-shove me o-out of the way."

Gokudera just chuckled, a rasping sound that caused Tsuna to flinch, "Y-you're the Juudaime, I'm just a subordinate."

"No!" Tsuna shouted but when he realized that he had, he lowered his voice to continue, "You - you're my right hand man."

"Yeah," Gokudera agreed with a faint nod, a grin lifting his lips, "and I said I'd give my life for you."

"I never wanted that. I just want . . . us to be together, friends, not only as subordinate and boss."

"Ya know, I think that's what I like most about you Juudaime."

For a moment all was silent, the only thing piercing it the ragged breaths Tsuna and Gokudera were expelling.

The day had started out normal enough, or rather as normal as it could be around Tsuna, and everything had appeared peaceful. Of course, that was no reason to relax and they should have known better.

Instead, later that day, just when Tsuna and Gokudera had been walking back to where the family was, Tsuna had found himself face to nozzle with a shot gun. Maybe they had been so lax because no one had ever thought anyone would have enough balls to do it out in broad daylight and face to face no less.

The only thing that had crossed Tsuna's mind had been that older Gokudera-kun's warning hadn't helped any before the next thing he knew, there was a stinging sensation in his elbows and chin. His ears had rung from the sound of a gun shot, only to be assaulted with a few more. He had been expecting pain but the only thing that had hurt had his elbows and chin. He had slowly stood, wincing at the feel of skin stretching as he moved. In a daze, he had patted himself down and for a moment he thought that maybe older Gokudera-kuns warning had worked after all.

It was at that moment he had looked down, only to encounter a profusely bleeding Gokudera-kun. Blood covered his stomach and chest, spray from the flow streaking his arms and legs red. He had stood stunned for a moment before he had been back on his knees, pulling at Gokudera's shoulders, the rule about not moving a traumatized person flying from his mind in his urgency.

Tsuna ignored Gokudera's moans of pain, instead pillowing his head in his lap, using his own jacket as cushioning. Momentarily ignoring Gokudera, Tsuna fumbled around in his pockets for his cell phone. After dialing the emergency number and fumbling with his explanation, he dropped the phone on the ground, uncaring if it had broken or not.

For a full six minutes, Tsuna could only murmur about help coming and how Gokudera better hold on, until Gokudera finds enough strength to stop groaning.

"Juudaime, don't . . . worry about me . . . at least, you're safe."

But Tsuna could only shake his head, "I don't care about that."

And now he clutches tighter at Gokudera's shoulders, nails making indents on his shirt and skin. He's barely keeping his sobs in, wanting to be strong for Gokudera-kun. "This wasn't supposed to happen."

"I-I'm glad it did. It means you're alive."

"I-I never w-wanted this."

For a moment all is still, until, "I-I was never g-going to s-say this but . . ." Gokudera pauses to draw in a deep breath, even though it threatens to wrack his body with suffocating coughs and a throat full of blood, "I love you."

Tsuna can't speak, can't breath, and for a moment, he imagines he can feel the four rounds lodged into Gokudera-kun's body - stomach, leg, lung, and upper chest - before the wail of sirens pierce the stillness of the air. Tsuna chokes on something, though he's not sure if it's shock or an immense fear that maybe he won't get to find out if this could be something more than what it had been for the past ten years.

When the ambulance finally stops near them not even a second later to load a protesting Gokudera onto a stretcher and into the ambulance, that's the last time Tsuna sees Gokudera-kun alive.

He denies it as long as he can, even as he stares at Gokudera displaying a stillness that's unsettling, body resting in a casket that's set to be lowered into the ground not even a day later.

When his ten year younger self turns up a few days later, Tsuna can no more figure out what to say than Gokudera-kun had been able to when it had been reversed. He can only stare at younger Tsuna like he's the devil himself and for a second Tsuna wonders if killing him will prevent Gokudera-kun from dying and relieve the crippling pain crushing him.

But that thought flees in the face of his desperation in pressing upon Tsuna that he needs to do whatever it takes to ensure Gokudera-kuns survival.

When he's left, he finally allows himself to shed tears, as he realizes that this won't be set right in his lifetime. Tsuna can only whisper to the wind what he wouldn't let himself admit even at Gokudera's funeral.

_I love you. _


End file.
